The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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