These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize