How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
