I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
