i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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