The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
