the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
