You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize