Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
