..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
