is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
