Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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