Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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