you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
