It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
