Just fell off a train. Bad.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
