he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
