Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
