38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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