We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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