I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize