Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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