Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
