He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she told me i tasted like america
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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