So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize