Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
