He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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