Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
