return my video game
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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