Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
