You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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