At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
