I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
