I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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