I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
