He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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