I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize