Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
