I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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