Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize