Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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