My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
