And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
