Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
should my penis look like a turkey
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
