I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
