We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
