i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
