It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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