this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize