literally had 100 drinks last night.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
