Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
