just survived the first fart of the relationship.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
