My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
