He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
