So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
