This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
