dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize