Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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