Your tits are I can't wait for
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
