No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
