I like my sex mixed with concussions.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
