PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My cat gives me a boner
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
