i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
