U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
