I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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