i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize