The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
