: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
