Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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