I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She's not a foreskin expert like you
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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