what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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